Ghetto Q&A

Before I get started, let me assure you all that I am not a snooty Black conservative who thinks everything is our fault and Whitey is our friend
I wholeheartedly hate cracka ass crackas [note: this does not mean all white people, this means cracka ass crackas] for their part in our decline
However, we as a group have stopped trying to fight those forces, and instead have regressed into pointing fingers and sitting on our asses
So here’s a Q&A session that might help elucidate the bewildered masses about solutions to some of the problems we face.

Spoiler alert: The point of this blog is “get over it”…we’re giving white people too much credit for our future

Q: Crack possession and distribution sentences are much harsher than cocaine sentences, what are we going to do about the Man bringing us poor black folks down?
A: Maybe you could…not sell or buy crack?

Q: But I have to support my family, how else am I gonna get by if I don’t hustle?
A: Let me give you a real answer on this one. You know that the majority of low to mid-level drug dealers make no more [usually less] than a regular fast food worker? And guess what–no one wants to shoot you over a hamburger.

Q: How are we supposed to succeed when the schools in our neighborhoods are run down?
A: Is there a Barnes & Noble or library within 10 miles of your city? Take your kid there.

Q: I can’t get a good job unless I go to college, I can’t afford that shit!
A: If you went to Barnes & Noble like I told you, you should be able to get a scholarship or federal grant…if you’re not all that bright, hey, join the military! Even though you might get shipped out to Iraq, the death rate is higher in the streets than it is overseas…[true fact]. But don’t knock up a white woman…she will take all your money.

Q: But I don’t have time to teach my kids, I have three jobs trying to support these 6 kids
A: Well, I know it’s a little bit too late now, but…you’re 19, how the fuck do you have 6 kids?! Just say no, Qwanesha…can you buy condoms with your EBT card? Better yet—be a lesbian! Those motherfuckers love to start families, no questions asked…you might just get someone to help pay your rent =]

Q: But what about their baby daddies? Aren’t you going to say something to them too?
A: Yeah, you’re right, I’m being sexist, so let me say this—all the so-called men who want to shirk responsibility for the kids they put into this world—when your seed grows up to be the next trap star, one can only hope they aim at your head first *crossing fingers*

Q: But AJ, these employers don’t take me seriously. How am I going to be perceived as a respectable member of society when BET treats all Black women like video hoes?
A: Well, this is a very complicated issue, Keisha…wait…is that your Bust-It Baby ringtone going off?!

Q: I did everything right, these white folks don’t want to hire me anyway!
A: Start your own business. Make that money so you can hire me!

Q: Police brutality is still going down everyday, how can we act civilized when we’re treated like animals?
A: What good things happen outside at 3 AM on a Tuesday? TAKE YOUR ASS HOME. Maybe I’ll give little Darnell down the street some sympathy when his ass whooping was not the product of an hour long police chase after he robbed the liquor store.

Q: The ghetto is a dead-end. I’m never gonna get out, why even try to live the suburban life?
A: Jazmyn and Tyrone–I saw yall stuntin in an Impala sittin on 24’s the other day… In fact, Tyrone has new J’s on every Saturday yet his kids look real hungry…RayRay is lookin real short for his age…What is REALLY goin on???

Of course, not all the answers to these questions are cut and dry, and sometimes we really are just victims of a fucked up circumstance. But it used to be that black folks knew life could be fucked up, so they avoided bad situations. Now we linger in the bad situation, take a bath in it, have a nice turkey dinner with it, then expect people to feel sympathy for us when the inevitable happens. I don’t even feel sorry for some of your asses, what makes you think Sally and Bobby McGregory are going to give two shits about your complaints?